Belajar Bahasa Inggris Mengoreksi Paragraf 1

DIRECTIONS: Each of the following paragraphs contains a number of mistakes. Find as many mistakes in the paragraph as possible. Correct the mistakes, writing in the space between the lines. Then use your corrections to rewrite the paragraph. The first sentence of paragraph 1 is done as an example.

PETUNJUK: Masing-masing paragraf berikut ini mengandung sejumlah kesalahan. Temukan sebanyak mungkin kesalahan tersebut. Betulkan kesalahan tersebut, tulis dalam ruang antara garis. Kemudian gunakan pembetulan Anda untuk menulis kembali paragraf tersebut. Kalimat pertama dari paragraf 1 dikerjakan sebagai contoh.

Paragraf 1

According the passage, there no should be mandatory retirement age. The author say that this practice takes valuable worker from the work force. Older worker has the most experience and making them to retire wastes theirs talent. Further more, the author tells that studies show that older worker can to do most jobs as well younger worker. I know this is true because my uncle was manager of a railroad station, but he have to retire at age of 65 because of the company policy. The lecture, however, say that if older worker stay on job, then no possible for young worker to get promotion or more responsible. Also say that, despite there are exceptions, many young workers have qualities that employer need, such as concentration, memmory, and energize.

Terlebih dahulu diurai per kalimat

1.      According the passage, there no should be mandatory retirement age.

2.      The author say that this practice takes valuable worker from the work force.

3.      Older worker has the most experience and making them to retire wastes theirs talent.

4.      Further more, the author tells that studies show that older worker can to do most jobs as well younger worker.

5.      I know this is true because my uncle was manager of a railroad station, but he have to retire at age of 65 because of the company policy.

6.      The lecture, however, say that if older worker stay on job, then no possible for young worker to get promotion or more responsible.

7.      Also say that, despite there are exceptions, many young workers have qualities that employer need, such as concentration, memmory, and energize.

Hasil penyempurnaan per kalimat

1.      According to the passage, there should not be a mandatory retirement age.

2.      The author says that this practice takes valuable workers from the work force.

3.      Older workers have the most experiences and making them to retire wastes their talent.

4.      Furthermore, the author tells that studies show that older workers can do most jobs as well younger workers.

5.      I know this is true because my uncle is a manager of a railroad station, but he has to retire at the age of 65 because of the company policy.

6.      The lecturer, however, says that if older workers stay on job, then no possibility for young workers to get promotion or more responsibilities.

7.      Also said that, despite there are exceptions; many young workers have qualities that employers need, such as concentration, memory, and energy. 

Pembahasan per kalimat

1.      According the passage seharusnya According to passage

Kata according selalu diikuti oleh preposisi to dan inilah yang disebut lexical phrase.

there no should be mandatory retirement age seharusnya there should not be a mandatory retirement age

Susunannya yang terbalik dan setelah should seharusnya diikuti oleh not dan bukan no dan diperlukan artikel “a” untuk melengkapi kata age.

2.      The author say that seharusnya The author says that (masalah agreement subyek-verba)

valuable worker seharusnya valuable workers (diperlukan bentuk jamak)

3.      Older worker has the most experiences seharusnya Older workers have the most experiences

Nomina tunggal dijadikan nomina jamak dan kata kerjanya disesuaikan (has menjadi have)

Kata kuncinya adalah kata them dalam frasa making them

making them to retire wastes theirs talent seharusnya making them to retire wastes their talent

Salah ejaan untuk kata ganti posesif dari kata workers, their.

4.      Further more seharusnya Furthermore (salah memilih kata, yang dimaksud di sisni adalah conjunctive adverb, furthermore

Older worker can to do most jobs seharusnya older workers can do most jobs

older worker seharusnya older workers (diperlukan bentuk jamak)

can to do seharusnya can do most jobs (can do tidak dapat displit dengan preposisi to)

5.      My uncle was manager seharusnya my uncle is a manager

My uncle was seharusnya my uncle is (masalah tentes)

manager seharusnya a manager (diperlukan artikel)

he have to retire seharusnya he has to (diperlukan agreement subyek-verba)

at age of 65 seharusnya at the age of 65 (diperlukan artikel)

6.      The lecture say that seharusnya The lecturer says that

The lecture seharusnya The lecturer (diperlukan kata ganti orang)

The lecturer say that seharusnya The lecturer says that (diperlukan agreement subyek-verba)

 Older worker stay on job seharusnya older workers stay on job (diperlukan bentuk jamak)

then no possible for young worker seharusnya then no possibility for young workers

no possible seharusnya no possibility (diperlukan bentuk nomina)

for young worker seharusnya for young workers (diperlukan bentuk jamak)

to get promotion or more responsible seharusnya to get promotion or more responsibilities

more responsible seharusnya more responsibilities (diperlukan nomina jamak karena ada quantifier more)

7.      Also say that seharusnya Also said that (diperlukan bentuk past participial phrase)

that employer need seharusnya that employers need (diperlukan bentuk jamak)

such as concentration, memmory, and energize seharusnya such as concentration, memory, and energy

memmory seharusnya memory (salah ejaan)

energize seharusnya energy (diperlukan bentuk nomina agar terpenuhinya paralisem, concentration, memory and energy)

Untuk menghindari comma splice maka antara klausa independen despite there are exceptions dan many young workers have qualities that employers need, such as … harus dipisah dengan semicolon {;}. 

Paragraf yang sudah disempurnakan 

According to the passage, there should not be a mandatory retirement age. The author says that this practice takes valuable workers from the work force. Older workers have the most experiences and making them to retire wastes their talent. Furthermore, the author tells that studies show that older workers can do most jobs as well younger workers. I know this is true because my uncle is a manager of a railroad station, but he has to retire at the age of 65 because of the company policy. The lecturer, however, says that if older workers stay on job, then no possibility for young workers to get promotion or more responsibilities. Also said that, despite there are exceptions; many young workers have qualities that employers need, such as concentration, memory, and energy.

Pembahasan Isi Paragraf
Pendahuluan (introduksi)
Topik utama paragraf tersirat dalam kalimat pertama, "According to the passage, there should not be a mandatory retirement age."

Batang Tubuh (Body)
Detail penunjang topic sentence diwakili mulai kalimat 2 sampai dengan kalimat 5. 

Simpulan
Ringkasan pikiran utama diwakili oleh kalimat 6 dan 7. 

Coba bandingkan antara paragraf aslinya dan paragraf yang sudah diedit. Lebih sempurna, kan. Jika masih ada yang perlu disempurnakan, coba  pembelajar bahasa Inggris sempurnakan agar lebih sempurna lagi.